So I’ve been reading this fantastic book called Deeper Dating. It was the result of a few painful conversations with my life coach about why I was sabotaging all my potential relationships, or mostly just not even looking for them. I knew that not dressing well-enough, or having the right pick up lines wasn’t what was really keeping me from finding true love. What we discovered together is that I would never find love if I didn’t first start loving myself. The fact is, I had just been too pragmatic about dating from the start: I knew it was a pointless endeavor to ask someone else to love someone I didn’t.

So after hanging up the phone and promising to work on a topic that’s as easy to grasp as water is to keep from rushing through cupped hands, I did what every introverted millennial does when they have a question: I googled “how to love yourself more”. This time, it seems the gods were listening, because I almost immediately stumbled upon the title of a book that would not only catch my eye but become my table and bed companion for the next month or so. It was love at first sight.

You see, this book WAS different from every other book on the topic of dating. First, because it was the fruit of a handful of psychologists who had spent 10 years or so themselves meeting with each other to discuss their struggles and developing techniques for finding that one who was actually meant for you. And second because it jived with everything I already knew to be true: mainly that the work of finding true love starts with discovering and cherishing the hidden gifts that make each one of us unique. It is only by truly becoming ourselves that we attract someone capable of appreciating us as we really are.

So anyway, skipping over all of the interesting parts of the book and the arduous journey of self-reflection that I had to take, (I know, all of the stuff you actually want me to share with you), I’ve gotten to the point of the book where you’re supposed to take some quiet time alone and “create words that ask for help in your search for your loved one…words that speak of your desire or longing for love”.

So mine actually turned into a prayer, and that is what I want to share with you. It’s a bit too corny for some, I know, but it’s mine and it inspires me and moves me to a renewed hope.

Prayer for my true love

Oh God, you have created in me a heart full of love and generosity. You know how long I have awaited the intimacy of my true love. Reward the deep longing you placed in my heart and help me to ready myself to find a woman who cherishes my heart and finds joy and fulfillment in sharing her life with me.

May together we build a family in love, freedom and authentic joy. May I as her future husband honor her feminine genius, rejoice in her beauty and be willing to defend her life and honor at the expense of my own.

May she in return cherish and protect my heart, which I give completely to her. May she accept and love me in my limitations. And may she respect and honor the gift I make to her and to our future family.

May we together serve You and each other with joyful and magnanimous hearts. May our words and actions towards each other and those around us heal wounds, bring peace and instill courage. May we unite our actions with You so that they serve to build up the community around us. And may our hearts beat as one so that with You we do our part to bring love where there is division and hatred, peace where there is anxiety, and friendship and community where isolation and despair have laid their roots.

May the challenges we brave together, and the battles we face with each other, be always seen as opportunities to grow in appreciation and respect for our unique differences. May we only fall asleep next to each other aftert having mined from them the golden lessons You meant as opportunities to deepen our friendship and love for each other, not weaken it.

May the life we build be filled with wonder and adventure no matter how rich or poor, how joyful or grieved we may be. Despite the busy lives we will sometimes lead, let us especially never forget to rejoice and stop to ponder together those wondrous and free gifts You have sent us each day to remind us of Your presence: the quiet and shining stars on a dark and clear night, the resplendent bursting light of a new day witnessed atop a mountaintop, or the simple and quiet whisper of unspoken love of two soulmates locked in an embrace.

No matter how frail my body becomes, or how chubby she thinks she looks, may we never stop being aroused in each others company. May my simple presence working alongside her – or her embarrassed yet joyful smile at me as she realizes I have been lovingly watching her  – be sufficient to incite to a roaring flame our passion and desire to be united with each other. Let it remind us of how intimately You too want to be part of our lives.

May this passionate self-giving be memorialized and life-giving. Teach us to be parents who love, instruct and support our children. May our love for them and each other help them to grow into joyful, generous and loving members of society.

And finally, before the sun sets on me for the last time, grant that she may be there to send me off with a kiss, so that with the taste of her lips still on mine, I may wait on the other side of death’s door to embrace her with You for all eternity.

Do you have a prayer for your true love? If so, please share.

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